Lost in Faith

Moses spiritual Journey would be found in this area for some years to come.  Even though now it is a “wilderness” experience, God makes himself available to him.  God does something and once Moses is curious God exposes himself to Moses.

Horeb, aka, Sinai would be the sight of Moses’ triumph, 10 commandments and tragedy, golden calf as well as the striking of the rock for water.

I wonder if this is a pattern.  My life revovles around many of the same issues.  I constantly recognize image management, living in the future with current responsibilities facing me, emotional exaggeration to name a few.  I circle back often and so repeatedly that it gets discouraging at times.  It seems to be a rut that I am living in not a journey I am on.

I wonder if Moses felt the same way, he was hearing a call from God, back to see God as no man had seen him, coming down the mountain to discover one of his greatest leadership failures, coming back to experience his greatest personal failure, all this at or near the same place.

Horeb couldn’t have been a comfortable place for him.  Just like my seeming rut doesn’t feel good.  Father is this a desire in me to see and feel competent.  While in my ruttiness I am convinced of my incompetence and find myself dependent and soft yet when I attempt to strip myself of my ruttiness I am fighting for a sense of my owner worth, an earner, bent on demonstrating that I am competent.

Quite a paradox for me.   I know that you desire movement, growth, maturity, and yet the places that I am most available to you are the places I least sense that movement.  Is that important?  Is my sense of movement vital to your work in my life.

Father I want to want what you want noting more, nothing less.  How do I do that, how do I get this self centered heart consistently putting your wisdom in front of mine.

Today I need discipline, I have too many people in front of me and not enough time to get where I need to be in my weekly preparation.  Father while I feel this rut, I trust your grace will rain on me!