ParenTeen: The Economy of Relationships
March 1, 2011
“Family” is an ever-changing word, and not everyone experiences the same expression of family–that’s just the way things are. However, it is important to note how this fluid reality of family is going to affect our teens as they grow up and start to create families of their own.
“Marriage has become a business within our culture. Society claims that if it’s not profitable, we are to find a new product to invest in with as little hassle as possible.” –Dr. John Witte, Jr
What we’re seeing, outside of a review of high school Econ class, is the casual approach to dating has culturally transitioned to marriage. Husband and wife enjoy free-will over commitment. “Let-do” is an economic principle dealing with money and now, relationships as well.
What are our students seeing? Culture is demonstrating what not to do. Broken, temporary, and physically-based relationships are subject matter for prime-time sitcoms, pop music, and the new social majority. When was the last time the evening news reported on a positive marriage?
Here are some questions to ask in your context:
- What defines a successful, positive, biblical relationship?
- Where are the couples that are successful, Christ-glorifying, living examples in our setting?
- What about dating relationships?
- What is our theology of singleness, and who are the folks who are living out a healthy single lifestyle?
- If there are successful dating and marriage relationships, how can they be used for the benefit of all?
You probably can’t overwhelm culture. But you can offer truthful alternatives through the lives of those who surround the kids in your context.
—————-This ParenTeen is directly from Cody Charland, author of Fuller Youth Institue, and the original article is here———–
ParenTeen: Parenting Myths We Can Do Away With
February 17, 2011
Ever felt guilty or worried about your parenting? Here are some myths that might be tripping you up and adding anxiety to your life:
- Having children makes you happy and fulfilled
- Nurturing your children is natural and instinctive
- Parenting is your highest calling
- Good parenting leads to happy children
- If you find parenting difficult, you must not be following the right plan
- You represent Jesus to your children
- You will always feel unconditional love for your children
- Successful parents produce godly children
- God approves of only one family design
From fellow parent Brad Griffin (writer at Fuller Youth Institute, worth clicking on the link.) says ”…we often make too much of ourselves and too little of God…No plan, process, or system produces great kids or ideal families. Beware if we or anyone else tells you otherwise.
My children belong to God. They are here to fulfill God’s purposes, not mine. And my highest calling is to live faithfully before God, not create ideal children. I feel less anxiety just putting that in writing. How about you?”
ParenTeen: The Key to Sticky Faith
January 12, 2011
Fact 1: 70% of young people leave the Church by age 22. Fact 2: 80% leave by age 30. Teenagers that have regularly attended MS/HS youth groups for years struggle HUGELY with continuing to live by and practice their faith once they leave the faith communities they were plugged into. They struggle with finding a new faith community, getting plugged in, and contributing. What happens is that because it’s so hard to find a faith community like the one they left, they just stop going. It’s very easy to lose that connection, and become more connected to other non-God-centered communities.
The Key to Sticky Faith = Intergenerational Churches
“At this point in our research, we’ve found that one thing churches can do that really makes a difference is getting kids actively involved in the life of the church before they graduate.
There is a strong link between kids staying in church after they graduate and their involvement in intergenerational relationships and worship. It’s important, we’re finding, to get beyond a token youth Sunday and start thinking about how to involve kids as ushers and greeters and readers and musicians in our services.
We’re also finding a relationship between teenagers serving younger kids and their faith maturity when they graduate from high school. Teens should not only be the objects of ministry; they need to be the subjects of ministry as well. It’s the 16 year old that has relationships with 66 year olds and 6 year olds who is more likely to stay involved in a faith community after she graduates.”Kara Powel, Executive Director of Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary, CA
That means that the students who stick with their faith in the future are the ones that have meaningful relationships with adults at their church now. It also means that they are serving as a regular part of the bigger church ministries: children’s ministry, greeting teams, drama teams, check in teams, hospitality teams, etc.
What You Can Do:
- Be An Invested Adult – Teens absolutely need adults that develop relationships with them to mature in their faith and become healthy adults. Be an adult at Shoal Creek that regularly meets with, talks, and relates to your teen, and the teens that don’t have parents that come to Shoal Creek.
- Serve Regularly and Influence Your Teen to Serve Regularly – Teens that serve regular instinctively learn the skills it will take to plug themselves into a faith community after they leave Shoal Creek. They need to learn what it means to give of themselves now, experiencing how joyful it can be to be sacrificial. They need their parents to model it to them first and show them the way.
Having a hard time believing the data? Read these:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/communitylife/discipleship/istheeraofagesegmentationover.html?start=1 Original Article
http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/16-teensnext-gen/147-most-twentysomethings-put-christianity-on-the-shelf-following-spiritually-active-teen-years?q=teenagers Barna Research Group referenced in Original Article
ParenTeen: The Absolute Key to a Faith That Lasts
January 6, 2011
Fact 1: 70% of young people leave the Church by age 22. Fact 2: 80% leave by age 30. Teenagers that have regularly attended MS/HS youth groups for years struggle HUGELY with continuing to live by and practice their faith once they leave the faith communities they were plugged into. They struggle with finding a new faith community, getting plugged in, and contributing. What happens is that because it’s so hard to find a faith community like the one they left, they just stop going. It’s very easy to lose that connection, and become more connected to other non-God-centered communities.
The Key to Sticky Faith = Intergenerational Churches
“At this point in our research, we’ve found that one thing churches can do that really makes a difference is getting kids actively involved in the life of the church before they graduate.
There is a strong link between kids staying in church after they graduate and their involvement in intergenerational relationships and worship. It’s important, we’re finding, to get beyond a token youth Sunday and start thinking about how to involve kids as ushers and greeters and readers and musicians in our services.
We’re also finding a relationship between teenagers serving younger kids and their faith maturity when they graduate from high school. Teens should not only be the objects of ministry; they need to be the subjects of ministry as well. It’s the 16 year old that has relationships with 66 year olds and 6 year olds who is more likely to stay involved in a faith community after she graduates.” Kara Powel, Executive Director of Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary, CA
That means that the students who stick with their faith in the future are the ones that have meaningful relationships with adults at their church now. It also means that they are serving as a regular part of the bigger church ministries: children’s ministry, greeting teams, drama teams, check in teams, hospitality teams, etc.
What You Can Do:
- Be An Invested Adult – Teens absolutely need adults that develop relationships with them to mature in their faith and become healthy adults. Be an adult at Shoal Creek that regularly meets with, talks, and relates to your teen, and the teens that don’t have parents that come to Shoal Creek.
- Serve Regularly and Influence Your Teen to Serve Regularly – Teens that serve regular instinctively learn the skills it will take to plug themselves into a faith community after they leave Shoal Creek. They need to learn what it means to give of themselves now, experiencing how joyful it can be to be sacrificial. They need their parents to model it to them first and show them the way.
Having a hard time believing the data? Read these:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/communitylife/discipleship/istheeraofagesegmentationover.html?start=1 Original Article
http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/16-teensnext-gen/147-most-twentysomethings-put-christianity-on-the-shelf-following-spiritually-active-teen-years?q=teenagers Barna Research Group referenced in Original Article
ParenTeen: A Question That Could Lead to a Family Resolution
December 30, 2010
…How is what you’re watching as a family affecting the development of your teen? The statistics for what 12-17 year olds watched in 2010 are in. Point Blank- more and more examples of under-aged sexuality are being placed front and center as “normal” for teenagers. What comes into the minds of teens through TV, movies, music, etc. directly influences who they want to become.
Key Finding One: More examples of underaged sexual relationships are in their TV shows than adult-aged sexual relationships. (This gives them the impression that it’s normal for them to be seeking sexual relationships, and that being an adult isn’t as “fun”)
Key Finding Two: Based upon a definition established by the American Psychological Association of “healthy” vs. “unhealthy” sexuality, the study findings show that 93% of the sexual incidents [seen on TV] involving these underage female characters occurred within a context that qualified as “unhealthy.”
Key Finding Three: Only 5% of the underage female characters communicated any form of dislike for being sexualized.
Translation: The standard being set by our TVs is that it’s normal for teens to be pursing sexual relationships, that girls should like sexual attention, that boys should give it to them, and that it is not “normal” for girls to dislike that attention.
What you can do for your teen: SPEAK UP! Yes–it will be uncomfortable. Yes–there’s a good chance that they may give you that blank stare, if they choose to look you in the eye at all. But do it anyway! Look at each conversation you have with your teen as a penny in a piggy bank. Each conversation may not seem like much, but over time and later down the road you will built up an IRA of relational trust that they can fall back on when they need you.
Need help talking to your teen daughter? This will give you ideas for conversations you need to have with them - http://fulleryouthinstitute.org/2008/09/see-jane-deal-with-her-body/
Need help talking to your teen son, about his role in all this? Because your son is innately visually orientated, this article will give you deeper understanding into how prime time TV is affecting his development - http://cpyu.org/Page.aspx?id=219124
Original article here: http://learningmylines.blogspot.com/2010/12/girls-behaving-badly.html
This may be a tougher one to read and act on, but it is truly important to refuse to be passive about, thanks,